


stagnation

by kitty_pryde_bi_pride



Series: Post Promised Day AU [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, Edward Elric Swears, Gen, Post-Canon, Protective Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:27:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25489225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitty_pryde_bi_pride/pseuds/kitty_pryde_bi_pride
Summary: a lack of activity, growth, or development
Relationships: Alphonse Elric & Edward Elric
Series: Post Promised Day AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1846432
Comments: 9
Kudos: 50





	stagnation

On the Promised Day, Ed had followed through on all of his commitments that really matter:

He fought to save Amestris. He protected those he cared about – Teacher, Winry, Hawkeye, Greedling, even the Colonel Bastard and his father – as best he could. And most importantly? He fought to restore Al, to undo the horrible and thoughtless mistake he caused all those years before.

Even if people told him it wasn’t his fault, even if Alphonse had told him they both made a deal with the devil that day; he was the older sibling and it had been his responsibility to take care of his younger brother.

Ed had always viewed giving up his arm less as a sacrifice and more as him righting an unspeakable wrong.

And at the end of the day, that’s all Truth had really wanted: Ed to come to terms with the things that really mattered to him. Ed had performed human transmutation four times now, had crossed the Gate four times, and had seen the raw secrets of the world more times than any human was meant to.

It left him changed – how could it not? – but he knew the Truth and the Truth knew him, which was more than anyone else could say.

Secretly – he never would discuss this with anyone else who went through the Gate, Mustang or Al didn’t deserve to try and endure his philosophies on what was rightfully one of the most traumatic experiences of their lives – he suspected that Truth’s brand of equivalent exchange was based less on what a person owed or wanted; but was intrinsically linked to what they needed.

After all, Ed’s arm wasn’t equivalent to a soul – especially not one as amazing as his brother’s – but the pain of automail rehabilitation and repeated feeling of helplessness whenever someone ripped the steel arm off seemed a little closer.

When the dust settled and the Dwarf in the Flask was gone, everyone had gotten what they wanted. Everyone except for Ed himself.

See, when he made those promises about restoring Alphonse and himself, the only party he had truly cared about was the undeniably better Elric brother. The whole thing was Ed’s fault, unquestionably, and therefore he didn’t truly deserve to be a priority of saving.

He fought for everyone but himself and was left with one arm, one leg, and no alchemy. He had gained nothing and lost everything, but he had his brother back – his family was safe – and it was all he ever wanted.

Ed had dedicated his life to his brother’s happiness, and that wasn’t going to stop now.

\-------

Ed spent the next year still trying his best to look out for his brother.

Alphonse was a genius – obviously – and Ed knew he could look out for himself, but it was hard not to take care of his brother.

They spent the first few months after the Promised Day rehabilitating Al: Winry and Paninya had experience from Rush Valley with atrophied muscles while outfitting automail, and were more than willing to help him with physical therapy for free. They stayed at the shop while Ed helped him with exercises and eating well, Winry made as many of the recipes in his book as she could, and they got him set up at the best university in Central.

Ed was sure they were lucky to have Al, and used a favor from Mustang to get him in on a full scholarship.

The two of them rented an apartment in the city and Ed did everything he could to make them comfortable: he spent his time finishing his contract at the military, working with Mustang and his team and going out on what jobs he could with no alchemy, and networked with people throughout the city to help them with meals.

He reached out to Gracia to learn how to cook and the two boys ate dinner at the Hughes once a week, and Ed picked up food from Madame Christmas – a contact he met through Colonel Bastard – a few more nights, sometimes working behind the bar for a little extra money.

Every once in a while, Ed and Al even received invitations to Armstrong’s mansion to have dinner with him. Once, terrifyingly enough, Olivier had been there too- she hadn’t stabbed either brother yet, but Ed firmly believed it was only a matter of time.

It was exhausting doing work all night and day, splitting his time between his military office and the bar, but Alphonse was worth it.

So, on nights when Ed was free, he always tried to spend the night with his little brother; whether that meant home-cooked meals or going on a walk or discussing his brother’s research at the university.

And one night, Ed unexpectedly got the night off free and, knowing that his brother hadn’t told him about any plans, decided to try and surprise him with an attempt at Gracia’s beloved lasagna recipe.

When Al didn’t show up on time, Ed grew rapidly panicked and called Hawkeye at her personal line – she had told him he could call whenever and he avoided it since he always felt like he would be imposing, but this was an emergency! – and she called Colonel Bastard who called in the rest of the team, and they split up through Central to search for his missing brother.

He’s told to wait in their apartment, just in case Al comes home on his own, and Ed makes himself busy by packaging up the uneaten lasagna so he and Al can have it the next day for lunch.

Thirty minutes later, a drunken Alphonse is led to Ed’s door by a serious looking Falman who had him by the arm and deposited him quietly with Ed. His younger brother sways where he stands and looks thoroughly disgruntled and pissed to be home.

Together, they lead Al to their couch and sit him down.

Falman steps back into the hall with a grim look on his face. “Major.”

Ed snorts at him and grins, leaning against the wall. “Officer.”

“Your brother wasn’t in good shape when I found him. He appeared to be with university friends, all several years older than him, and they were buying him alcohol. I’d recommend making sure he drinks a glass of water tonight and gets some rest.”

“Thanks, man, for the update. And thank the team for doing this.” Ed works his jaw stiffly and straightens his posture, lifting his chin. “I, I was really worried about him. Even if it turned out to be nothing.”

Falman’s eyes go uncharacteristically soft – or, at least, as soft as they ever go – and he nods. “Have a nice night, Major.”

Ed lets himself back into the apartment and pours a glass of water, bringing it over to Al, still lying on the couch with his hands over his face. He sits down next to him and takes a deep breath before speaking. “Hey, Alphonse? You doing alright?”

Al scoffs and rolls over, looking at him with a funny look in his eye. “I was doing great earlier.”

“Huh, not so much now then? It’s probably all that drinking Falman said you did, I hear alcohol fucks your head up real good sometimes.” Ed’s never had a drink before – never had the chance – but he’s heard enough horror stories from Havoc, Breda, Fuery, and the patrons at Madame Christmas’ that he can imagine.

He expects Al to laugh commiseratingly with him, but instead his little brother huffs quietly and frowns down at Ed. “Not now, Brother.”

Ed hesitates, suddenly concerned all over again. “Is something wrong, Al? What did those college kids give you anyways? You need to let me know if you’re feeling sick, I bet Havoc has some good contacts at the hospital-”

“Oh, so you’ll call up more members of Colonel Mustang’s team, bother them in the middle of the night, just on the hunch I might be in danger?” Al interjects angrily. Ed feels suddenly…off-kilter.

He leans closer to the couch, staying rooted to his spot on the floor, and keeps trying. “Of course I would, you know I just want to make sure you’re alright.”

That should’ve helped – it normally would’ve – but Alphonse isn’t having it. “That’s all you ever do, Brother. You know what? My new friends were right- all you do is hover over me. I go out one night without telling you, and you practically call out the entire military to search for me! It was humiliating, having Officer Falman pull me out of there.”

Ed doesn’t know what to say because Al has never spoken to him like this. He had no idea his brother was thinking any of this all along. “Al, I-”

“How am I supposed to make new friends, Brother, if you’re watching every move I make and the military dogs are picking me up every time I step out?” Ed stiffens at the word dogs, Al should know he hates that term better than anyone, but he wants to let his brother say his piece. “People at the university hate the military, even now, and they’re right. Everyone in it is just a human weapon, a leftover from Bradley’s regime we should be abandoning. They’re all just attack dogs, ready to target whoever their master chooses, and no one on that team is any better.”

Ed can feel his eyes getting heavy, feels tears welling up in them, but he swallows compulsively and ignores them. “Colonel Bastard- Mustang and his entire team aren’t dogs. A lot of people in the military are really, really good people, Alphonse.”

His brother sits up and scowls at him. “No defense for yourself, Brother?” The normally kind and affectionate word is biting, harsher than Ed has ever heard it said – a condemnation – and he doesn’t know what to do about the growing pain in his chest. He won’t cry in front of his brother, though- he needs to be strong for Al.

“No,” Ed whispers, the word cracking deep in his throat but coming out nonetheless. “Al, why haven’t you said any of this before?”

“I wish you’d stop hovering and get a life,” Al mutters, still swaying as he tries to right his posture. His words are slightly slurred. “I’m 15 now, I don’t need you to be my keeper. Never did. Nothing you can help me with anyways, now that I’m all healed up. And how exactly am I supposed to tell you- you’ve sacrificed your body for me, put everything on hold, and now you’re still giving up your life to make mine better. That’s- it’s not equivalent. How am I supposed to tell you I need space to be my own person?”

Ed glances up at him, slightly panicked. “Alphonse?”

Al’s eyes are unnaturally cruel, glassy but clear in their anger, and Ed thinks back to how Van Hohenheim often had a glass tumbler of amber liquid on his desk while he worked in his office; the way his father would glare at him and yell at him to get out. It always left him speechless.

He decides he hates alcohol.

“You lost your alchemy and it’s like you’re useless. My friends tonight said you’re just holding me back at this point, and I think they’re right. I just- I wish you would get out of here, Brother, let me live my life instead of watching over my shoulder every single moment of every day!”

And there it is. Ed knows he’s never been enough to right his wrongs to his little brother, knows the debt he owes is immeasurable, but he had been hoping that everything he’d done had redeemed himself at least a little.

At the very least, he had genuinely thought he was making Alphonse’s life better.

But it’s clear now that he’s making everything worse – he’s like his father, in that way, everything he touches falls apart – and he’d sacrifice anything for his little brother.

When he gave up his alchemy for his brother – the very thing Al is now deeming him useless for – Truth had helped him see the pain in the lives of everyone close to him that he was never going to be able to fix.

The Truth – cruel, but necessary as always – was that Ed wasn’t going to be able to help anyone unless he found a way to make himself strong again, because his mere presence wasn’t doing anything but drag people down.

Mustang and his team were just fulfilling an obligation till the end of his contract – Ed already felt regret the moment he called them up tonight – and he knows that Madame Christmas is just helping him with food and work as another favor to Mustang. On that note, it was pretty likely that the only reason Armstrong kept inviting Ed to dinner was on Mustang’s behalf, to keep an eye on him, and to see Al. Winry and Paninya probably weren’t happy to help him out, and were almost certainly put out by him crowding up their shop. Teacher certainly hated their weekly phone calls, now that he couldn’t perform alchemy, as there wasn’t anything he could bring to the table.

And he realized all he really did at his weekly dinners at the Hughes was remind Gracia of Maes, a thought that took his breath away.

“I am, so unbelievably, incredibly, horrifically fucking sorry, Al.”

Al’s still staring at him, unblinking and leaning forward too far, and Ed gently carries him back to his bed and lays him on his side, setting the bathroom trash can next to his bed. His brother is out like a light, and Ed takes a moment to move the water glass to the nightstand table and places two, small, pain-relieving pills in a little cup next to it.

He goes to his own room, checks under his bed to where he’s kept all his savings, and carefully counts it out. With the absolutely insane number of hours he’s worked and impressive military benefits he’s accrued, there’s plenty to keep making payments on their apartment and keep Alphonse fed.

Cursing himself for his selfishness, Ed counts out just enough for a train ticket – he’s heard whispers of different types of alchemy out in the east and west, maybe ones he’ll be able to adapt to, a way to finally make himself useful again, and he’ll need a little money to get him started traveling – and a couple meals, then sets the stack of cash on Al’s dresser with a short note.

He stares at his little brother’s sleeping form, impressively still if not for the gentle rise and fall of his chest, and thinks of everything he said. It was right, that Ed was far too concerned and involved in his brother’s life, that he wasn’t really needed – no one needed him, not really, not now that his military contract was almost expired and he didn’t have any alchemic power – and it’s impossible for him to fault his brother.

Alphonse was always a brilliant judge of character.

He walks out the door and doesn’t look back.

\-------

Alphonse wakes the next morning to a pounding headache and sense of dread in his gut.

Or, maybe, it was just the feeling of nausea that rolls through him. He leans over his bed and is relieved and surprised to find a trash can right beside him, perfectly placed to anticipate his needs.

He sees the glass and cup next to him and takes them unthinkingly, knowing that his brother was always looking out for him. Edward has always been much more of a softie than he’s willing to admit.

He remembers talking to his brother while drunk, but can’t quite remember what he said- he’s not sure it was kind, and makes a mental note to apologize as soon as he finds him. His brother does everything for him and even if it’s a little grating sometimes, Al knows he’d be lost without him.

Al stumbles towards his dresser, looking for a change of clothes now that he vaguely reeks of vomit, and sees an alarmingly large pile of money on top of it. It can only be his brother’s, and Al fights back the automatic moment of worry. His brother was probably sent on a last-minute military mission, and so he grabs some clothes and goes to rinse his mouth and brush his teeth.

Those older kids seemed cool at first, but Al doesn’t think he likes drinking that much, not if it makes him feel this awful the next day. He thinks he remembers them being a little mean, too, but he’s pretty sure they were talking trash about Ed, which a lot of university students do- they like to debate the moral ground of the Fullmetal Alchemist, him being a child soldier versus a dog of the military, even when Al’s in the room.

It's uncomfortable and he usually tries to speak up, but he doesn’t think he did last night. The idea is even more upsetting than the actual conversations.

He sees a box of homemade lasagna, probably from Gracia, but he’ll want to save that for dinner to eat with Ed. There’s nothing else he wants in the fridge and he goes back to the pile of money – Ed wouldn’t have left it out if he wasn’t willing to let Al use it – in order to buy himself a nice lunch.

Al freezes to a halt when he sees a note scrawled in familiarly messy writing, and the entirety of the night’s events crash into his head at once: the cruel things he said to his brother, the heartbroken look on Ed’s face, the tender way his brother still helped him to bed afterwards.

He rushes to the Colonel’s office and bursts through the doors, ignoring the concerned – and from Falman, disappointed – looks he’s getting from the team, and instead asks – hopes – they know where Ed is.

The First Lieutenant pulls him into the Colonel’s office quietly, and they ask him if he’s alright- apparently, he gave them all quite a scare until they found him.

Al silently holds up his brother’s note with shaking hands and watches their faces go blank with guarded shock and worry as they read it. He listens to them quickly discuss what their next options might be, but Al knows it’s fruitless: there’s no finding Ed when he doesn’t want to be found.

His note was clear.

_I am so sorry, Al, and you’re right. No one here needs me while I’m this useless. I’m going to give you the space you need. I’ll be following the Truth. Stay safe. -Ed_

**Author's Note:**

> this is going to be part of a series that'll explain what happens to Ed after this! this is just kind of the inciting incident of the whole thing
> 
> it's my first attempt at writing fmab, so hopefully i didn't do awful with the characters? 
> 
> leave kudos and comments if you like it or have any ideas where Ed is going/who he'll run into!
> 
> and have a fantastic day :)


End file.
